She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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