Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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