I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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