a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
