I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
