I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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