3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My life is pants optional.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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