Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats