seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink