walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.