I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
