i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She has the best kind of daddy issues