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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Moment of silence for the loss of that option.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.

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• (310): View more from California

  I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*

  (310): View more from California

  Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak

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• (518): View more from New York

  Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"

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• (585): View more from New York

  Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard

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