Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
