38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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