Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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