I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
