so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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