Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
