Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
