i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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