People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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