I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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