I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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