i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
