the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
