i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
