One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
