just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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