The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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