My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize