ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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