I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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