If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
