What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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