so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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