don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
