oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
