Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just invented taco cereal.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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