Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
