i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm both gender and math confused
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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