i may or may not be watching the land before time
Small penises have feelings too.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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