my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
