Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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