the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
