Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
