What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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