So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
