1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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