Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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