you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
then he tried to convert me to islam
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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