They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
