Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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