we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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