Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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