U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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