I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
