You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
