I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
