I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
