Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
