I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
