the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How's work?
Spinning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
