i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
