im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
