I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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