Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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