haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
