The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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