Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
