I think my fart just growled at me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
