I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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