i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
