is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
