I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
