Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
