I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
