# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
