yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
