Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
