I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
