i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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