JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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