If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
