god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize